One-Sided

I think there is a misconception about one-sided relationships.

Not that they can't be warped, as the relationship between my sister and husband is. For instance, she gets to do all the shopping for his and her families, does nearly all the household stuff while he has little idea of what it takes for her to do it.

He might feel he's done what he's supposed to by working all day and bringing home a paycheck--and perhaps that's not entirely all he's doing.

Maybe he's scratching himself too.

Seriously, the only version I have is from my sister; she's feeling unfairly overburdened by what she has to do just to get ready for family to come over during the holidays.

His innocent statement to everyone at Thanksgiving that they were going to host Christmas (so he wouldn't have to travel even though she does the driving on such trips) put that much more on her to do before everyone shows up.

I found out that she was going to nominate me and my apartment to have everyone over if he hadn't said that.

She's doing a full-time job already caring for their 8-year old son, volunteering at his school and her church, and upholding regular responsibilities around the house. When the holidays come, the burden for her seems infinitely increased.

But in other cases, it's healthy for relationships to be more one-sided. I don't believe any relationship--good or bad--ever turns out being a 50/50 partnership, whether it's a working relationship, a friendship or a marriage. Most of the time the scales sway both ways and are rarely balanced.

Sometimes burdens (for lack of a better word) are taken on necessarily and willingly, and a lot of times, unconsciously and even silently. You do these things for people you care about not because of any opportunity for glory, but because it's the right thing to do, and you want to help someone. You (when I say you I mean I) don't calculate that the balance of the relationship is tipped one way or the other, precisely because your perception of how the scale is balanced may be off. And maybe in one relationship you might have the scales tipping one way, and in another relationship of yours it might be just the opposite--both for legitimate reasons. And like I said, your perception of how the scales are balanced in either case may be the opposite of what you think.

I think to judge the difference between my sister's relationship with her husband as she informs me, and more legitimate reasons for relationships not to be balanced, is the key. If it's not a deliberate intent to place a burden upon someone, but it just happens, then that's one thing, but when the burden is placed out of a more selfish desire, that's when it becomes a truly unbalanced and unfair circumstance that has to be dealt with.

If there's a true need, you fill it (you hope in the right way) without calling attention to what you've done, because, in reality, scales don't matter.

Your heart does.