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Comments

Jimmy

Well, as opposed to a dog, I usually just add an extra pillow! : )

Seriously, I am thankful for what you say, and for getting me to think deeper about these things.

Kim

Jimmy, I appreciate the openness of this post and the vulnerabilty that you reveal here. Loneliness, like the kind that you describe for a life partner rather than for family and friends, is quite common and not abnormal at all. So many people are fear being alone. That's why many people stay in unhealthy relationships or get married when they aren't ready or sure about the person. Those marriage pacts (if neither of us are married when we're 40, we will marry each other) come out of sheer desire for companionship rather than passionate love. I also believe that the readiness of many divorced people to remarry is because of the companionship. That is probably why so many remarriages end in divorce. Like you said, they haven't worked through their issues, but they know they don't want to be alone.

From what you wrote, I don't think that you fear being alone. I also don't think that you are as weak as you think you are. Like you've said, you've been in situations where you could have handled yourself differently (had sex, begun a relationship, etc.). From what you wrote, being alone seems to be a choice you've made rather than a fear. You have chosen to hold out to discover God's best for you rather than settling for less. That is a good and admirable choice, and one that most people do not have the courage to make. You are quite far from weak.

As you said, you have had a wealth of experiences that many other people have not had. These experiences are all the more rich because they were not sexual. And, Jimmy, these experiences are the "live" in life. Recognize them as such! You have a great deal to offer a woman beyond sexual prowess.

Having said all of that, I can understand your desire for deep friendship and love from another person. It's a natural human longing. I have not been in an exceptional number of romantic relationships in my life. The only romantic relationship I had that lasted a year was with my now-husband! Neither my husband nor myself have a past with much relationship experience, but that makes our relationship all the better--we are discovering together what it takes to make this type of relationship work. But I can also say that even though neithr of us come from a background laced with romantic love, we have both experienced deep friendships with select people. For me, those relationships developed when I got involved in a small group/Bible study at my church. The group was all women, and we shared stuff with each other that we did not share with others. We laughed, cried, and grew together spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. Even though we were not intimate in the same ways that a husband and wife are intimate, the friendships I made there were critical to my healing from my broken and non-innocent past and my growth and strengthening as a woman. That group became my second family. I don't mean to come onto your site and push religion onto you or any of your readers. I'm not trying to come across as a Christian zealot. I'm just sharing what has helped me. You can take it or leave it at that.

I understand that friendship is not a subsititue for marriage. It's still going to be difficult to go to sleep alone, but as you find fulfillment in other areas, the sleeping alone part becomes a tad more bearable. As stupid as this will sound, before I got married, I loved having my dog sleep in bed with me. Just having a warm, breathing body to cuddle with helped me sleep more soundly, even if a dog and a human are not at all the same.

While I recognize that I'm rambling here, the bottom line that I want you to understand is that you are a great person who has led a rich life thus far. I would love to see you value that for the full extent of what it is worth. Recognize that you have a lot to offer, and continue to be picky about whom you offer yourself to. The kind of confidence that comes from truly knowing that you don't need companionship even if it would be nice is what will draw women to you.

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My Online Status

Page Turners 2006 (7)

  • Lindsay Moran: Blowing My Cover: My Life As A CIA Spy

    Lindsay Moran: Blowing My Cover: My Life As A CIA Spy
    A really enjoyable read, filled with insight on a deceitful, and mostly unilluminated job. (****)

  • Rich Smith: You Can Get Arrested For That

    Rich Smith: You Can Get Arrested For That
    Amusing in parts, but thin in substance overall. (*)

  • : Fish, A Remarkable Way To Boost Morale And Improve Results

    Fish, A Remarkable Way To Boost Morale And Improve Results
    Nice small compact inspirational way to live a productive and happier work life. (****)

  • Christopher J. Walsh: No Timeouts: What It's Really Like To Be A Sportswriter Today
    I thought I was getting more practical insight into the world of a sportswriter than I actually got. Though examples of stories and the author's progression was nice, I thought it padded the book to make it longer than it needed to be. (**)
  • Dan Brown: The Da Vinci Code

    Dan Brown: The Da Vinci Code
    Much better than the movie; the plot moves well. (****)

  • Dan Wetzel: Glory Road: My Story of the 1966 NCAA Basketball Championship and How One Team Triumphed Against the Odds

    Dan Wetzel: Glory Road: My Story of the 1966 NCAA Basketball Championship and How One Team Triumphed Against the Odds
    Much better than the movie, as it provides more insight behind the story of Don Haskins and Texas Western; would have liked more about the players and their perspective on playing for him. Probably falls somewhere between 3 & 4 on the star rating. I guess I'd just like a more comprehensive telling of the story. Actually, though people may come out of the book/movie with the idea that this was the first time 5 black players took the basketball court at the same time and won a championship, that actually happened in 1957 (9 years earlier) when Tennessee State won the NAIA championship. (***)

  • Leif Enger: Peace Like a River

    Leif Enger: Peace Like a River
    Enjoyed this book, my first of 2006. The characters stay with you, left me wanting more. Had some trouble with the old west references, but nonetheless the prose painted plush pictures. (****)

Audio Books (6)

  • J.K. Rowling: Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince

    J.K. Rowling: Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince
    It was an enjoyable read, and even more fun to listen to. Jim Dale does a great job with the various voices, giving the characters even more life. (*****)

  • Pat Conroy: My Losing Season

    Pat Conroy: My Losing Season
    Really liked this one, a detailed look at a basketball season, and a past, that shaped the author's future. (*****)

  • Nick  Hornby: A Long Way Down

    Nick Hornby: A Long Way Down
    I loved this book and could easily identify with traits of all the characters in it. By far my favorite of the audiobooks (quite well-read, I thought, by the people doing the reading) I've listened too, and among my favorite books, period. Had me laughing out loud (some dark and profane humor, but in step with the characters) and alternatively left me melancholic and feeling for the characters and what they were going through. An interesting look at a serious subject. (*****)

  • Cynthia Kadohata: Kira-Kira
    A beautiful and touching story. Can't add more to that now. (*****)
  • Noah Adams: The Flyers : In Search of Wilbur and Orville Wright

    Noah Adams: The Flyers : In Search of Wilbur and Orville Wright
    Enjoyable listen, particularly when discussing the relationship the Wright brothers had with their sister Katherine and their father. Delves more on the location of their rise to prominence in aviation, rather than on the technical accomplishments themselves. Still getting used to audiobooks, so my attention waned in spots, but I liked the story, and the places and their descriptions are intriguing. (****)

  • Jon Stewart: America (The Audiobook): A Citizen's Guide To Democracy Inaction

    Jon Stewart: America (The Audiobook): A Citizen's Guide To Democracy Inaction
    My first audiobook. Very funny (and quite profane) in parts, quite satirical, and an easy listen. This version is an abridged version of his print book. (***)

Page Turners 2005

penn

listening after dark

Allisonlives.com

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Lyrics



  • Shadows are falling and I'm running out of breath; keep me in your heart for awhile. If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less; keep me in your heart for awhile. When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun; keep me in your heart for awhile. There's a train leaving nightly called when all is said and done; keep me in your heart for awhile. Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo. Keep me in your heart for awhile. Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo. Keep me in your heart for awhile. Sometimes when you're doing simple things around the house, maybe you'll think of me and smile. You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouse; keep me in your heart for awhile. Hold me in your thoughts, take me to your dreams Touch me as I fall into view. When the winter comes keep the fires lit and I will be right next to you. Engine driver's headed north to Pleasant Stream; keep me in your heart for awhile. These wheels keep turning but they're running out of steam; keep me in your heart for awhile. Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo. Keep me in your heart for awhile. Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo. Keep me in your heart for awhile. Keep me in your heart for awhile.

    --Warren Zevon

A Window Into Other Worlds

  • Allison
    From her own "biolog" description: "a cool onlooker--quiet and reserved, observing and analyzing life with detached curiosity and unexpected flashes of original humor."
  • April
    My mind is like a vacuum---I just keep losing the bag.
  • April (wanderlust)
    April's 100+ day journey in words, pictures
  • Audrey
    An overly ambitious 19 year old, ready to the change the world - no matter what it takes.
  • Jess
    Quite an interesting "milkcrate" to rummage through.
  • Kim
    A very thoughtful and engaging weblog intertwining faith and life.
  • Leah
    Someone who likes maps and can find Leiden on one.
  • Mark
    This guy that falls down a whole lot and lives to write about it.