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Trying To Regain Control

I know I've been dour of late, and I'm going to make a concerted effort to think positive.

To start, I made a donation to the Red Cross (I did so a few days ago) for their efforts relating to the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. I won't get started on that subject (how the evacuation and relief efforts have been) for the moment, but even though my modest savings wouldn't let me take the vacation I wanted, I am still fortunate to have something, and many of us really aren't that far away from being in need of help.

I also took my laptop (my preferred computer) to get fixed earlier last week. I should hear something about it in the next few days. I'm looking at a new hard drive, I believe, and about $200 to get it, depending on whether or not anything else is wrong with it. But with what I do for a living and having to rely on the computer as much as I do, I decided it was a necessary expense.

I've also decided I need to get out more. Not necessarily to socialize, but just to have a change of scenery. I'm going to make an effort to get out of my apartment for 30 minutes every morning before I get started with my work. It can be for a walk, bike ride, a quick trip to the store, to the lake, whatever. I've started using the library more, which I'm enjoying too, though I haven't been in much of a reading mood lately. I might use the change of scenery to help with that as well.

I'm still working on the health insurance. My old insurer sent me information in the mail Friday, which I'm still reviewing. They want me to reapply for coverage under one of their individual plans, which comes out to be under $200/month. The problem is that according to its coverage zone, where I live falls outside of it. I've looked at another of the major health insurers around here, and they have a similar plan (and one which picks up dental coverage) at similar rates for individuals that work for companies that don't qualify for group coverage--such as mine. But it's a start, and within a few days, I should have that part of things squared away. Once I do, I'm going to get a checkup (medical/dental) and trying to take care of myself better.

One of the things I've learned is that it's taking longer for me to recover from doing things I could easily do 10 years ago, and especially 20 years ago. I just have to learn smarter ways of doing things.  I also have to learn how to priortize the things I am doing.

Another thing I'm going to do is start eliminating the excess in my apartment and organizing the important stuff. Just the mess in this room I call my office is enough to let me know it's needed. I'll probably donate some, sell some and trash some. I've already got some old clothes sorted, and the convenient thing is that there's a Goodwill store just down the street from me.

I do need to do something about a DVD player, as the one I have no longer works. That means that, at the moment, my Blockbuster movies-by-mail setup is useless, and I'm paying for it, so I either have to get a new DVD player (they're not too expensive), or get rid of the two TVs I have and buy a new one with a DVD player built into it.

I'm also reviewing my soccer articles to see which ones would be best suited for a portfolio to use when sending out resumes. I'm also going to talk to some of my journalist acquaintances to get their feedback on where I should be looking for work. I'm also going to set up a separate website to be a home for the portfolio.

Oh, and on the positive side of life, in the last two weeks, the same person (female) has complimented me on appearance and smell (Polo Blue). We're not each other's type, but it's still nice to get a compliment every now and then.

Sometimes when things don't seem so rosy, something so simple as a compliment can be so profound.

Oh, as if I could forget this very awesome positive: April's heading this way!

Listening to: Aaron Neville: Warm Your Heart; U2: Rattle And Hum; Nickel Creek: Why Should The Fire Die?

An Insurance Gap

I made contact with my health insurance provider, seeing as how my company is being cut off from their group plan. I've been told I have to reapply as if I was a new customer through their conversion program, so they're sending me a packet with the information on that stuff.

In the meantime, I was told that for $606, I could make sure I stayed insured through the month of September. I said no to that, primarily because I think the cost is too unreasonable. If I did that, nearly two-thirds of my monthly take-home pay would be spent just on rent, car payment and health insurance. I've still got to eat, have electricity, water/sewer, phone, gas (which is going to be at least $3/gallon by the end of the week). And I've already cut back on stuff and have had to forego a vacation.

Whatever health insurance plan I do end up with will mean money out of my pocket, though my boss said he'll pick up half the tab.

Now I have to hope I don't have anything happen to me over the next 30 days.

It really has been a lousy vacation.

However, I Feel Really Old

Played two games last weekend. Here's the damage to my body (still):
* strained lower back (not sure how that happened)
* bruised right big toe (courtesy of being kicked there--the guy got a calf cramp on the same play)
* bruised right elbow (not sure how that happened)
* bruised ribs (courtesy of being kicked there--the right side)
* sore everywhere else (from playing)

Oh, and my left ankle is sore too, but that's always that way, because it's puffier than my right one. I've sprained that one several times in the past and wear an ankle brace on it for every game. The times I haven't it has felt worse.

Our team damage was that we lost Saturday 12-0, and won Sunday 8-2. Not exactly soccer scores I know. Saturday we started out with eight players, got up to ten, and ended with eight. One got hurt and another quit five mintues before the end of the game. I didn't like that much. Sunday we had almost all of our regular team and thus had a much better result. Even after being sore, I felt like I played better Sunday too. And one of the referees there said we looked as good as most of the top division teams he's seen in our league, even though we're in the 2nd to lowest division. It makes a big difference to have the most of your team show up.

Good thing my team doesn't play Labor Day weekend. I'm going to need the rest.

However, I've been feeling restless on this vacation. It doesn't feel like I've had a vacation at all. I come home to my apartment every night, and it's hard for me to catch up with anyone because the world keeps turning, even when mine seems to be at a standstill. It's not like I'm totally broke, but what I have isn't enough to be away from home for two weeks like I'd prefer.

I've Really Gotta Stop Telling Women My Age

I let it slip out how old I was the other day. After finishing my game, I was talking to the girlfriend of another player. She was his girlfriend when this guy was on my team, so we knew each other that way.

I had mentioned that I was asked to play in the over-35 league, but I didn't want to because it would mean playing more often (and after I tell you how I fared on a two-game weekend, you'll be asking me to take up gentler pursuits--like remote clicking).

She looked at me quizzically, not believing I was old enough to be in an over-35 league. She said she would have never guessed. She's at least the third woman in recent times that has told me I looked younger than I am.

I don't make this stuff up, but then again, I haven't been hiding the numerical fact either.

I'm going to have to stop mentioning my age. It's probably not a good pick-up line either.

But it is just a number, just as my phone number is just a number. Neither of which has meaning. 

The new cologne I have, though, seems to have gotten me attention. One from an older woman in a toll booth, and then another from another young woman I know, who told me I smelled nice (or was it the cologne smells nice on me?). Either way. It was a compliment. Take 'em where they come.

Polo Blue.

The Source Of My Frustration

I don't like to write a lot when I'm mad.

Depressed? Yes.

Mad? No.

So that's why I didn't write much on Friday when I had a Serious Need To Vent. I don't like speaking in anger, and I felt close to that Friday evening.

This has to do with the sportswriting I do in addition to my day job. Normally, when I apply for a credential to an event, it's not much more than a formality. Yes, the credentialing organization usually wants to make sure you're not abusing the privilege of the credential just to get into a game for free, or for other perks associated with it.

But until Friday, I hadn't been denied one to cover an event in the US (there was the World Cup in 2002, but I figured because it was a world event, with reporters from all over the world, I'd have no chance as a small independent website, which is how I started covering soccer over four years ago).

The denial, per the email explanation I received, was that due to the high demand of the match, they couldn't accommodate me (I do know others who were denied as well, but since this is all about me, I'm going for my point of view here).

I understand the logistics of having to deny requests, but I feel wronged.

On the one hand, the level of interest is appealing; on the other, I want to be reporting on it, and since  I've been denied, at least three potential stories I had planned for it have been wiped out.

A Serious Need To Vent

I'm not going to get into specifics, but I really need to vent now, so I'm going to do so privately, though...

I just love being reminded sometimes how small and insignificant and unworthy I really am. I so lack talent (italics equal heavy sarcasm).

Options (Part I)

One of the things my boss and I talked about while I was out at his place last week was health insurance.

They sent him papers back in late June notifying him they would be cancelling the company's policy as of Aug. 31. He also told me I'd be receiving papers from them letting me know of my options. That hasn't come, but I've learned of a couple of options from the same company; it means, though, that I have to pay half of the monthly cost of having health insurance out of my own pocket, because my boss said he (the company) couldn't afford to pick up the entire tab. I've learned the cost of one of the options: around $180/month, of which I'd have to pay $90.

He said he contacted the company, and they said there's another, cheaper plan I could get that allows me to keep the same amount of coverage, but I have to call them directly for it.

I'm also looking into plans from other companies. The only problem is that I'd like to see some of this in writing before I sign off on coverage, but with just a few days left in August, that's not likely to happen.

And then there's still the idea of me finding another job. There's good and bad to pretty much every option I see, and I'm trying to weigh those and decide on the best course of action.

Even my boss said that if business doesn't pick up, he may end up asking me to look for another job, because he's not far from the point where the company can support only one of us, and not two.

In another entry, I'll lay out my options (at least as I see them) to flesh out my thinking. Things are still too muddled in my own head at this point.

Wow! Has It Really Been A Week?

Vacation!!!

Well, I'm doing pretty much the same as I did last year--a few day trips and some relaxing, but not a whole lot of travel, at least not that I know of yet.

I spent two full days and parts of two others on the Eastern Shore of Virginia where my boss lives. Mostly, it was a relaxing stay, and he fed me well. I'll get into other things in upcoming entries, but for now, I'm going to do a little more relaxing first. I have quite a handful of books to read.

Stay tuned.

Randomly

Short takes (again):

* Just finished reading book #28--Surprise Me: A 30-Day Faith Experiment by Terry Esau. Enjoyed the book. By the way, Leah, it was the most recent purchase a few days ago (along with Coldplay's new CD--on sale, though, National Geographic and Paste magazine) but I am going to head back to the library and start making more use of it. Not to mention, I still have a lot of books in my possession I haven't even read yet.

Transparency

I originally wrote this as a response to Kim's comment that she left following my entry, As If I Needed A Reminder. I thought about just leaving it as a response to that post, and I also thought for a moment about just sending this to her, but I thought it might be useful for me to write it this way, as a separate entry. But, the entry is still in response to her thoughtful comments. Before anyone gets started on the thoughts, someone else to whom I link is talking about a similar subject. Read on if you'd like.